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God, you knew I couldn’t resist using that as the title of today’s post, right? I mean, it’s just tailor-made for the wackiness that naturally ensues when one gets out of bed at 3:30 a.m. on Christmas morning, goes to his computer and starts blogging quotes from a story he wrote about ten years ago. Yeah, I couldn’t really sleep tonight—I feel wide awake. It’s not like I’m expecting to wake up to a boatload of presents tomorrow—I’m not even opening any until Tuesday—but I think I’ve figured out what’s going on. I’m just genetically hard-wired to be…well, wired…each Christmas Eve, to the point where sleeping really becomes an exercise in futility. But it’s all fun and games anyway. Might as well enjoy y’self.

So I’m playing beach volleyball earlier tonight, finished my 14-day vacation as Lei Fang, and decided to play my next trip as Tina, the blonde bimbo wrestler from America. I’m not very fond of Tina, but I’ve only played the game as her once so I decided to try again. Besides, I’m on this kick lately of trying to mix up the swimsuit inventory a bit by giving them away to other girls in the game, so they’ll have them in their inventories later. Anyway, I like Kasumi, and she needs some new swimwear bad, so I decide to partner up with her. Now, the personalities of these two are diametrically opposed, so I had to butter her up with gifts before she would accept. Shortly thereafter she had mucho music notes floating above her head, which indicates she’s fond of you. Okay! Let’s team up. “We’ll be the best team ever!” Tina shouts boorishly, waving her boobs around as usual. “I hope I’m good enough for you,” mumbles fragile Kasumi meekly. Ohhhh boy. This will be a vacation to remember.

Okay, so we get out on the…court…er, beach…and start PLAYING to WIN! Aw yeah! …Except we’re barely winning. In the very first game of the vacation, in which the opposing team is always easy to beat so new players don’t get frustrated, we allow the enemy team to score 4 points. WTF is this? We finally come out in the lead and take the trophy. Or the ZackBucks, as the case may be. Fine, fine. I buy Kasumi some kind of pink thing to cheer her up. Pink canvas sneakers, I think. She loves them. (“Waah—! Arigato!”) However, during our second game, she starts acting like she’d rather be off clipping her toenails. She won’t pass to me. She keeps trying to return the ball from stupid places on the court, oftentimes hitting the net. She’s standing right in the ball’s path as the opposing team spikes it toward us, and she just stands there and lets it hit the sand while I come diving in, trying desperately to save it. OKAY, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, KASUMI?

I think these two just don’t like each other, despite all the gift-giving and everything else. For three game-days we continue to win at volleyball, although not by much of a margin…I continue to buy Kasumi all her favorite stuff…and she continues to sink into a deep blue funk. Her game portrait changes to the “Oh shit, I hate you” pic which means you’ve got trouble. She doesn’t compliment me on my nice moves on the court, which is a sure-fire indicator that your partner would sooner die a grisly, bloody death than play volleyball with you. And then on Day 4 I went down to the beach, Kasumi showed up and said flatly, “Good morning.” Nary a music note to be seen! Hmmph. Well, top o’ the mornin’ to you too, Gloom Face!

We lost the last game we played. That’s it then—by Day 5, I’ll be looking for a new partner. Well, screw her!

Speaking of all this, last week it was officially revealed that Team Ninja—the game’s developer—is going to release a sequel to DOA Volleyball, although it’s not necessarily set in stone that it’s going to be a volleyball game. It might be DOA Xtreme Something Else. That would suck, dude—I like the volleyball. I somehow doubt it would be the same if it were “DOA Xtreme Foosball” or “DOA Xtreme Pillowfighting,” although if anybody could make such a game interesting, it would be Team Ninja.

I wish I had some good Christmas music to listen to! Heh…which sounds like a damn stupid thing to say, considering that when I was out driving around earlier this past evening, that’s all I could find on any of the available FM frequencies. Even the local AM talk radio station was playing an assortment of holiday tunes, although your eardrums were likely to be shattered if you listened to them for very long, since AM frequency response + music = crap. For a brief moment there, one of the FM stations started playing some old-time classics, and then, even a parody Christmas song that sounded like it was from some kind of broadway musical. Now that’s entertaining stuff to listen to. The only problem now? THERE’S NO NOG. Egg nog, that is. WHERE’S THE NOG I’VE GOT TO HAVE NOG. Okay, just a little nog. Do they make nog in those little “Milk Chug” bottles? That’d be good.

Dude, okay, what is this. I’ve been up all night and NO SANTA CLAUS. I’ve been had! What a fraud. Hehehe, okay, now I’m just saying stupid stuff. But what else is there to be said at 4:30 in the morning, anyway? Vhat do you vant, wiolins?

Okay, now that Christmas is here, it’s time to usher in the New Year. Some people around here are already anxious, because I heard fireworks going off somewhere this evening. At this point I just want to get 2004 out of here. Hopefully 2005 will be a little less…tumultuous? Four hurricanes, a car accident, family members in the hospital, INS shenanigans, insurance premiums, the mess with the Ritz-Carlton…it’s been a nerve-wracking year, and at this point my wife and I have exhaustedly proclaimed our wish that it just get itself over with, and hurry. But even I have to admit, almost all of the aforementioned incidents somehow went hand-in-hand with something quite good. After the car accident, we got a brand new Mazda that’s much nicer than what we were driving before. We gained a lot of experience from installing and removing hurricane shutters a hundred times. We did get to go to Thailand, and had an absolutely great time. The INS situation got resolved successfully. After the Ritz screwed her over, my wife immediately got her old job back—with a pay raise. So in the end things have worked out, but all of the stress that’s gone along with…well, I’ve had about enough for one year. 😉 Maybe 2005 could be just a bit more relaxed. A little less eventful in every sense of the word. We’ll see.

All right, time to get to bed—I’m finally getting sleepy. Of course, it’s almost 5 a.m. Welp, I have nothing going on tomorrow—just hanging out and having fun. Awwww yeah.

Merry Christmas, everybody!